I’m getting married in about 2 months exactly. I was thinking about all the things that men think about when it comes to being a good husband, lover, and eventually a father (let’s give that one some time! LOL). I’m moving to another country as well. So there’s going to be a lot of life changes. Anyways, I’ve been fearing what I would do if someone were to break in, or hurt my wife, or some such thing. I personally believe that a husband should do all he can to be physically fit and be able to defend his family. That’s why I’m working out a little bit more and I’m thinking about getting back into karate when I get to Ecuador. However, and this is a big however, in a way, all of that doesn’t matter. If it’s God’s will, and rarely I believe that it is so, but if it is, that something should happen to me or my wife, than there is absolutely nothing I can do. And on the other hand, 12 strong men can enter my house and I would be able to fend them off, if that’s God’s will. In short, I believe in providence.
Even though I believe in providence, I still find something lacking in that. I was doing a google search and came across a passage in the Bible. Here it is.
“We live within the shadow of the Almighty, sheltered by the God who is above all gods. This I declare, that He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God, and I am trusting Him. For He rescues you from every trap, and protects you from the fatal plague. He will shield you with his wings! They will shelter you. His faithful promises are your armour. Now you don’t need to be afraid of the dark any more, nor fear the dangers of the day; nor dread the plagues of darkness, nor disasters in the morning. Though a thousand fall at my side, though ten thousand are dying around me, the evil will not touch me. I will see how the wicked are punished but I will not share it. For Jehovah is my refuge! I choose the God above all gods to shelter me. How then can evil overtake me or any plague come near? For He orders his angels to protect you wherever you go. They will steady you with their hands to keep you from stumbling against the rocks on the trail. You can safely meet a lion or step on poisonous snakes, yes, even trample them beneath your feet! For the Lord says, ‘Because he loves Me, I will rescue him; I will make him great because he trusts in My name. When he calls on Me I will answer; I will be with him in trouble, and rescue him and honor him. I will satisfy him with a full life and give him My salvation.” ~ Psalm 91
Do I have that kind of faith? That kind of trust? That fact is, I don’t. I pray God strengthens my faith and resolve in Him. Ultimately, He loves Nancy more than I could ever love her, which brings me peace.
Follow-Up on “Worries and fears”…
I just re-read and re-posted my post about my Worries and Fears. Now that I’ve been married for about 1 year now, I’ve gone through some really tough stuff. Clients letting me down, financial difficulties, and the like. I’ve dealt with some of those fears that I discussed in that post, about a year ago. I got married, my wife is pregnant (she’s due in October, 29 or something) with a healthy baby girl (Isabella). I’m still working on getting on my feet financially, but God is still providing in amazing ways.
I remember praying for a strengthening of faith. I can say without a doubt that has happened. There were times that I had about 3 dollars in my account, and about 5 bucks in my hand. I had to make it stretch for 2 days. I’ve never faced those sort of issues in my life, and it’s amazing when I think of it, the way God guided and protected me through all of that.
I look forward to the future, the way God is going to continue to interact with me and with the folks around me. I continue to see troubling signs in the economy and tough times ahead, however, I feel that God is with me. So, I kind of feel like I can face it. Sometimes, I revert to my previous faithlessness, but God continues to bring new and interesting people into my life. I’m content with God. And that’s different for me. I’ve somewhat always treated Him badly, in some ways. I’ve taken Him for granted, but I’ve learned a great deal through His guidance. Like C.S. Lewis said about a Christ figure in one of his books, “He’s not safe, but He is Good.”